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Friday!

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Newbie

Friday!

1st Degree:

A married couple was asleep when the telephone
rang at two in the morning.

The wife (undoubtedly blonde), picked up the
telephone, listened a moment, and said, "How
should I know, that's 200 miles from here!" and
hung up.

The husband said, "Who was that?"

The wife said, "I don't know; some woman
wanting to know 'if the coast is clear'."


2nd Degree:

Two blondes are walking down the street. One
notices a compact on the sidewalk and leans
down to pick it up.

She opens it, looks in the mirror, and says, "Hmm,
this person looks familiar."

She hands it to the second blonde.

The second blonde looks in the mirror and says,
"You dummy, it's me!"



3rd Degree:

A blonde suspects her boyfriend of cheating on
her, so she goes out and buys a gun.

She goes to his apartment unexpectedly and
when she opens the door, she finds him in the
arms of a redhead.

Well, the blonde is really angry. She opens
her purse to take out the gun, and as she
does so, she is overcome with grief.

She takes the gun and puts it to her head.

The boyfriend yells, "No, honey, don't do it!"

The blonde replies, "Shut up, you're next!"



4th Degree:

A blonde brags about her knowledge of
state capitals.

She proudly says, "Go ahead; ask me, I
know all of them."

A friend says, "OK, what's the capital of
Wisconsin?"

The blonde replies, "Oh that's easy -- 'W'."



5th Degree:

What did the blonde ask her doctor when
he told her she was pregnant?

"Is it mine?"


6th Degree:

A blonde had just totaled her car in a horrific
accident. Miraculously, she managed to
pry herself from the wreckage without a scratch.

"Wow!" the trooper gasped. "Your car looks
like an accordion that was stomped on by
an elephant! Are you OK, ma'am?"

"Why, yes, officer, I'm just fine" the blonde chirped.

"Well, how in the world did this happen?"
the officer asked as he surveyed the wrecked car.

"Officer, it was the strangest thing!" the
blonde began. "I was driving along this
road, when from out of nowhere this tree
popped up in front of me, so I swerved to
the right, and there was another tree! I
swerved to the left and there was another
tree! I swerved to the right and there was
another tree! I swerved to the left and
there was...."

"Uh, ma'am," the officer said, cutting her
off as he looked inside the car,

"There isn't a tree on this road for 30 miles.
That was your air-freshener swinging back and forth."


7th Degree:

Returning home from work, a blonde was
astonished to see that she had been robbed.

She telephoned the police at once and
reported the crime. The police dispatcher
broadcast the call on the channels, and
a K-9 unit patrolling nearby was the first to respond.

As the K-9 officer approached the house
with his dog on a leash, the blonde ran
out on the porch, shuddered at the sight
of the cop and his dog, and then sat down on the steps.

Putting her face in her hands, she moaned,

"I come home to find all my possessions
stolen. I call the police for help, and what do
they do? They send me a BLIND policeman!"
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Friday!

Fried Egg Breakfast

A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband. Suddenly
her husband burst into the kitchen.

"Careful ... CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh my GOD!
You're cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN
THEM NOW! We need more butter. Oh my GOD! WHERE are we going to get
MORE BUTTER? They're going to STICK!
Careful ... CAREFUL! I said be CAREFUL! You NEVER listen to me when
you're cooking! Never! Turn them! Hurry up! Are you CRAZY?
Have you LOST your mind? Don't forget to salt them. You know you
always forget to salt them. Use the salt. USE THE SALT! THE SALT!"

The wife stared at him. "What the hell is wrong with you?
You think I don't know how to fry a couple of eggs?"


The husband calmly replied, "I wanted to show you what it feels like
when I'm driving
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