A married couple was asleep when the telephone rang at two in the morning.
The wife (undoubtedly blonde), picked up the telephone, listened a moment, and said, "How should I know, that's 200 miles from here!" and hung up.
The husband said, "Who was that?"
The wife said, "I don't know; some woman wanting to know 'if the coast is clear'."
Two blondes are walking down the street. One notices a compact on the sidewalk and leans down to pick it up.
She opens it, looks in the mirror, and says, "Hmm, this person looks familiar."
She hands it to the second blonde.
The second blonde looks in the mirror and says, "You dummy, it's me!"
A blonde suspects her boyfriend of cheating on her, so she goes out and buys a gun.
She goes to his apartment unexpectedly and when she opens the door, she finds him in the arms of a redhead.
Well, the blonde is really angry. She opens her purse to take out the gun, and as she does so, she is overcome with grief.
She takes the gun and puts it to her head.
The boyfriend yells, "No, honey, don't do it!"
The blonde replies, "Shut up, you're next!"
A blonde brags about her knowledge of state capitals.
She proudly says, "Go ahead; ask me, I know all of them."
A friend says, "OK, what's the capital of Wisconsin?"
The blonde replies, "Oh that's easy -- 'W'."
What did the blonde ask her doctor when he told her she was pregnant?
"Is it mine?"
A blonde had just totaled her car in a horrific accident. Miraculously, she managed to pry herself from the wreckage without a scratch.
"Wow!" the trooper gasped. "Your car looks like an accordion that was stomped on by an elephant! Are you OK, ma'am?"
"Why, yes, officer, I'm just fine" the blonde chirped.
"Well, how in the world did this happen?" the officer asked as he surveyed the wrecked car.
"Officer, it was the strangest thing!" the blonde began. "I was driving along this road, when from out of nowhere this tree popped up in front of me, so I swerved to the right, and there was another tree! I swerved to the left and there was another tree! I swerved to the right and there was another tree! I swerved to the left and there was...."
"Uh, ma'am," the officer said, cutting her off as he looked inside the car,
"There isn't a tree on this road for 30 miles. That was your air-freshener swinging back and forth."
Returning home from work, a blonde was astonished to see that she had been robbed.
She telephoned the police at once and reported the crime. The police dispatcher broadcast the call on the channels, and a K-9 unit patrolling nearby was the first to respond.
As the K-9 officer approached the house with his dog on a leash, the blonde ran out on the porch, shuddered at the sight of the cop and his dog, and then sat down on the steps.
Putting her face in her hands, she moaned,
"I come home to find all my possessions stolen. I call the police for help, and what do they do? They send me a BLIND policeman!"
A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband. Suddenly her husband burst into the kitchen.
"Careful ... CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh my GOD! You're cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW! We need more butter. Oh my GOD! WHERE are we going to get MORE BUTTER? They're going to STICK! Careful ... CAREFUL! I said be CAREFUL! You NEVER listen to me when you're cooking! Never! Turn them! Hurry up! Are you CRAZY? Have you LOST your mind? Don't forget to salt them. You know you always forget to salt them. Use the salt. USE THE SALT! THE SALT!"
The wife stared at him. "What the hell is wrong with you? You think I don't know how to fry a couple of eggs?"
The husband calmly replied, "I wanted to show you what it feels like when I'm driving
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